broadaxes | (no subject)

[Johanna always ignored compliments. They were usually someone trying to sweet talk her. And as a kid, she was gawky and weird.]

I have my daddy's hair. My mom would braid it for me all the time. It was the only way to keep it from flying away.

[She sounds a little sad but quickly changes to focus on Annie.]

Red is way better. It's firey. It's unique. The cameras probably loved you.

[One hand comes up out of the water to twirl a finger in a chunk of Annie's hair closest to Johanna from the tub. She twirls it up like a piece of pasta and then lets it go.]

[Annie giggles softly at the mental image.] It's good hair. I like it.

She shakes her head, ducking it slightly so her hair covers her face. Her hair was a shield for her, a comfort item. It's nice for Johanna to touch it so softly. She shrugs.]

They said I was beautiful. [Finnick had said she was beautiful. Finnick, whom she'd fallen for just like all the other girls. and he'd fallen for her, somewhere between the reaping and her victory tour.] But strange. I-- I've always been... [She takes one hand off of Johanna's hair to tap her temple lightly.] Always been off. Not who you really want from Four. A disappointment. [She had started cracking under the pressure almost immediately, freezing up in her Interview for what felt like an eternity.

She was the Victor people wanted to forget.]

They must have been proud of you, though.

Who? The Capitol? My parents were proud, sure, but not for long. The Capitol loved me, they loved what an actress I was.

[Johanna brushes Annie's curtain of hair back a little so she can at least see her lips when she spoke.]

You are beautiful. I can see what Finnick saw in you. He said... he said you crept up on him. So maybe not at first, but your sneaky ass got him.

[She smiles wide, all incisors. Johanna hopes Annie knows she's joking.]

Besides, we're all crazy now.

Mine, too.

[But she remembers the look in their eyes when they spoke to her for the first time after her games, and realized just how different things were going to be now that their only daughter was, as they were calling it, crazy.

They didn't have to swim in their disappointment for long.]

Oh shush! I thought- I had a big crush on him. All the girls did. But I met him and thought-- thought he was just flirting with me to give me hope. [Everything surrounding her games is fuzzy, but she remembers calling Finnick out on it on the train.

She remembers his arms around her the night before she entered the Arena.]

No- not like me, at least.

[The water makes that beautiful little swoosh when Johanna moves in the tub, drawing closer to the edge. The tub is huge, very fancy, too fancy. It's what she's become accustomed to. But that's not the point. The point is that she grabs the porcelain edge and lifts herself up a little. Her small breasts have rivulets of water rushing downwards. In a very uncharacteristic movement, Johanna quickly reaches out to kiss Annie quickly on the lips. It could really mean anything. Friendship. The beginnings of something else. Pity. The kind of love you have for a daughter. So many things.]

You're not crazy, Annie. You're just fine.

[Johanna is beautiful. She's one of those women that's even more beautiful naked. Annie's lips part for a moment in surprise as she looks up at the woman in front of her.

Her lips are unexpected, and her green eyes fly open. When Johanna pulls back, Annie stays, hovering, looking at her as she goes through the moment over and over again in her head, trying to figure out exactly what had just happened.

It was a good kiss. Friendly, warm, caring. Loving.]

You're fine, too.

[Johanna cracks a smile. She wasn't sure why she did it, but it was a good reaction. Sometimes she did things to see how good they'd feel, or how bad they'd hurt.]

We're so fucked up, Annie. The Arena messed us up good. It's okay to admit it. But we're still fine. Fucked up but not ... broken.

[Johanna used the word 'broken' many times in her sessions with her therapist-- recently, not back when she was in thirteen. In thirteen, she just lied and laughed and screamed at him.]

[Annie looks away, pushing some of her hair back in front of her face just barely. Mostly, it's just to feel something grounding.]

No. I broke. Everyone saw.

[Johanna swishes around in the tub. It's large enough and she's small enough to sit sideways and look at Annie. She holds onto the lip of the tub, crossing her legs under her.]

It's braver to do what you did, Annie. To show emotion in this place... it's a big deal.

[She presses her lips together, looking back down at the water, at the tile floor.]

Thought... everyone thought I was weak.

[Johanna shakes her head.]

Only the fuckin' dumb and mean people thought that.

[There's something so wonderfully blunt about Johanna that's got Annie grinning, laughing. It's easier to understand things, in the long run, when they're put bluntly. Johanna understands that. Johanna doesn't treat her like a child.]

No! [But she's smiling, hoping it's true.]